The morning after I uploaded the last post Don’t Stop Playing, a police officer knocked on my door. He was there to inform me that my older brother had passed away in an accident at his house and they found my name and address listed for his emergency contact. I let him in and immediately texted my husband to come home for an emergency. To say it was a shock would be an understatement. I struggled for responses as my brain was rendered speechless. When it finally did kick in that he was gone, I sobbed for a good ten minutes on my husband’s shoulder. 

It is less than two years since our mother passed and I still shed tears occasionally for that loss. I was there when she passed, holding her hand as she took her last breath. He was also there, and we said goodbye together. I have two other siblings, but he being the oldest and me being the youngest gave us a different dynamic. He drove me crazy sometimes, but he was a good person who was loyal to his family and friends. 

His death put my writing life on hold as the shock and chasing paperwork to take care of what he left behind shook any creative thoughts from my head. There was no closure and he was too young. The day the police officer showed up was the day before his birthday, which he shared with our mother. As with my mother, I’m glad our last conversation had jokes and laughter, but I would have liked to have more. 

It was hard to write his obituary, trying to find the right words to describe him. He never married or had kids, but he had a lot of friends, which was proved at his memorial luncheon. His place of employment shut down the shift he worked early so they could attend. He had been an employee for over thirty years. The hall was wall-to-wall people for a while, and although my anxiety went nuts with the crowd, my heart filled at knowing he was liked by so many. He would have loved knowing all those people showed up for him. He may have been an odd duck to some, but it didn’t deter anyone from being his friend.

We had grown closer in our adult years. I became the person he asked to be there when he had to have surgery or fell sick in the hospital, and he regularly checked in on me after my ruptured brain aneurysm. We worked together helping my mother in her last years, even if we didn’t always agree. It added to the youngest/oldest dynamic we shared. 

I’m glad we had that relationship and looked out for each other. I also did not miss the irony of my last post being all about change this year and that happening immediately after. Losing him like this changed my life in multiple ways, including how I see the world and how I move forward in life. My message will remain though; don’t stop playing. His untimely death is proof that life can end in the blink of an eye. Get as much enjoyment out of it as you can, and don’t sweat the small stuff. I know I will be randomly shedding tears for years to come, and that is okay because he was my big brother and no one can replace the person he was.